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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27400999">Far away</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/RomanticNoldo/pseuds/RomanticNoldo'>RomanticNoldo</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Caranthir is not married AU, Deathfic, F/M, Romance, crackship kind of</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 21:02:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>734</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27400999</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/RomanticNoldo/pseuds/RomanticNoldo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In his last moments, Caranthir remembers his feelings for Haleth.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Caranthir | Morifinwë/Haleth of the Haladin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Far away</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Oh, do you care?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I still feel for you</em>
</p><p>
  <em>So aware</em>
</p><p>
  <em>What should be lost is there.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>(Beauty of the beast, Nightwish)</em>
</p><p> </p><p>You thought you would be luckier than your father and Ambarto [1], that you would be able to survive, even in this age of death. You were likely to succeed. The Sindar were never too strong, they weren't the first to fight the Enemy, and you had your brothers and your men. You had a good chance of coming back alive.</p><p>You were wrong. You should have known that Námo's curse would come upon you too, sooner or later.</p><p>The heat from the flames you started - from your father's fire - is now fading. Only the cold remains, and your time is running out. You can't start fighting, and you don't want to either. Whatever the outcome of this slaughter, whatever hand the Silmaril has to fall into, you don't want to think about it now. You have dedicated most of your life to it, even after it destroyed your family. You have never tried to rebel. You attempted to convince yourself that keeping the oath was the only thing you could do, and maybe now you are paying the price.</p><p>But you're not going to let it dominate your final thoughts too.</p><p>For the first time, when Haldad's daughter comes back into your mind, you decide not to reject her. It will be the last moment you can think of her, the only moment you don't care how weak it makes you feel that you haven't been able to forget her.</p><p>Perhaps her fieryness can warm the cold of your last moments.</p><p>But she is far away. For too long now she has left your lands, refusing your every offer. You don't even know if she found someone to love, if she had descendants and if her lineage still lives.</p><p>You will never know if she had noticed the desire she had put into you. You yourself have tried to fight it as much as possible. You didn't have time for a feeling like that. Not towards a mortal woman. And now you can't regret something you never dared to seek.</p><p>Yet that fire never left your heart. Now you wish you could see her again, just one last time, just to tell her the truth.</p><p>But you can't anymore. She is far away, where none of the Eldar can ever go, and you didn't want to stop her when you could.</p><p>That day when you wanted to fight alongside her, when you came too late to do anything, in time to see her safe, was your biggest mistake. You could really see how strong he was, how proudly she faced an almost certain death - more valiant than you could ever hope to be. If you had a chance to forget it before then, you couldn't after that moment.</p><p>You were about to give in. If she had accepted your offer - your plea - she would have stayed with you. You could have seen her again. And allow yourself to love her, perhaps.</p><p>Maybe it's good that it didn't happen. She would always be too far away. Even if she didn't go away, if she stayed by your side, you would have to watch her grow old and die. You're not sure you could have tolerated it. You learned what happened to Aikanáro [2]. You don't want to consider yourself as capable of making mistakes as he was.</p><p>And anyway, even if there was a chance for happiness for you, the oath would take it away. She would find out what you did to keep it, how much blood you shed.</p><p>You are unforgivable, and you know it, you always knew it no matter how hard you tried to convince yourself it was otherwise. You never deserved a heart as righteous as hers. You know how disgusted she would be if she looked at you now, if only she were here.</p><p>But it would be enough for you to see her one last time to give you comfort, to tear you away from the awareness of everything you have done. You can't anymore. You have lost her.</p><p>She will always be far away, and you hope that at least the memory of her flame will not burn you when in Mandos you pay for the oath with which you have wasted your life.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>[1]: whatever of the Ambarussa died at Losgar<br/>[2]: Aegnor</p></blockquote></div></div>
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